Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
