And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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