he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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