you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
