his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
