Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
