she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
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Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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