Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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