i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
