Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
