new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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