I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
