SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
