i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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