Cold hands, warm shart.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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