His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
