Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
