note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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