i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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