Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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