It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
