Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize