Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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