He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
