life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
