You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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