I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
