i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
