i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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