i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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