i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
