Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
