wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
