I got chris browned last night
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize