Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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