I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
