i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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