she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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