Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
