Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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