i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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