I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
