if you like me you must not know who I am
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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