It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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