I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
