..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
