we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
