I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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