I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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