i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Green mimosas i think yes
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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