Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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