U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
