alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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