Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
