i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
