Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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