Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
