Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
