omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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