My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
