I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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