Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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