Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize