Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
