Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
