Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You ruined the universe
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
