Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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