So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
