bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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