I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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