I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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