lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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