Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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