the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
