I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
