Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
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So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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